Dear Someone Sunday: The Fat-and-Thin SEE-saw: A New Perspective on Binaries

Readers: Today we are writing collaborative letters to each end of the binary that fuels our entire blog: The Fat-Thin Binary.

A binary has two parts on two separate ends of a spectrum. One side is more privileged than the other. Think of a see-saw. If a fat person sat on one end, and a thin person on the other, the thin person would be higher in the air. Now, replace physics and gravity with the idea of privilege. The thin person, high in the sky, is on the privileged side of the binary, and the fat person is stuck on the ground, on the less favored side of the binary. The thin person is the norm, and the fat person the Other.  

Essentially, one side of a binary always has a more positive connotation, and the other a negative one. There are always exceptions, of course, but whichever side of the spectrum you fall on can influence your sense of self and identity as well as your everyday life and the way that others view you. 

Some examples of binaries with the privileged side first: Straight and Gay, White and Black, Youth and Old Age, Rich and Poor, etc.

We should mention also Liminal figures. These people/ideas occupy the middle of the binary (such as a medium-sized person, a bisexual person, or an interracial person) and often get pushed out of the spotlight. That is, people become so focused on the extremes of binaries that they forget those who fall in the middle. Other times, those who occupy the liminal space are ostracized and berated rather than just ignored because they are considered as the Other from both ends of the spectrum. (Basically being a liminal figure can be neutral, negative, or sometimes positive…like if you are proud of a liminal heritage, for example!)

So, keeping in mind that the BB and the WW are on the FAT side of the fat-thin binary, we would like to address our letters to this much-debated dichotomy:

Dear Thin Side:

We have not had a lot of great experiences with you.  A lot of the thin people in our lives have exercised a thin privilege, even without knowing they are doing so.  And now that fat activism is really taking root, we're seeing some things that suggest some of you don't understand that thin privilege is real, and is often manifested in tangible ways.

 For example, many thin people don’t have to worry about going to get their hair cut. No worries about CHUBBY CHEEKS and minimizing that chub with the perfect cut to distract people from your FAT FACE. In addition: Even when being criticized as “small,” “thin,” “bony,” or “tiny” those criticisms still do not communicate the same level of awkwardly restricted pity as “she’s a bigger girl…but she’s cute,” “she’s ok, kinda chunky,” or “well, she’s fat but she’s really sweet.” Your adjectives, even when it is said that you are “too skinny,” don’t come with all those extra words meant to sound like sympathy when they actually mask misplaced pity, contempt, or embarrassment.

Perhaps the most important thing we can say here is that just because we applaud fat people for being beautiful does not mean we think you are less beautiful.  Beauty is not restricted to one size.  That is the point.  We just want to share the spotlight, and you should let us.  You are already applauded by society, at least in this regard, and it shouldn't be necessary to receive praise just because the fat side is getting it. In many ways, we see you as the older sibling to a newborn baby.  You were used to getting adoration from your parents, but now that the baby is getting more attention, you are feeling somewhat left out.

We want EVERYONE to feel beautiful,  NOT “NO MATTER” where they fall on the body spectrum, but BECAUSE OF WHERE THEY FALL ON THE BODY SPECTRUM. Us being recognized as beautiful doesn't make you less beautiful. Just like you being bashed for being skinny doesn't make fat bashing less prevalent and hurtful. Don't silence us with your own hurt or privilege. Instead, make room for everyone else in the spotlight without feeling any less than you are. Let in those fat and liminal bodies.

Lastly, please don't preach a kind of "body blindness" that indicates that you don't mind if someone is fat, skinny, or medium sized at all, it's about what counts inside. Of course a person's thoughts, feelings, spirit, and inner self are valuable parts of identity...but so is the body. We can't break down the binary together if we don't simultaneously embrace and empathize. That is, we have to embrace everyone's body--not tolerance, but acceptance--and we have to at the same time empathize with all body types. The body can be a wonderful indicator of identity--how we dress it, carry it, use it, and portray it. Why limit that by saying "body type doesn't matter." IT DOES! Be our THIN allies. Don't be our "body blind" allies. We are beautiful and so are you, and we all have our own distinct outer and inner identities.

Dear Fat Side:

You're not getting off easy just because we are a part of you.  Something that needs to change is the way in which body-shaming is used as a grappling hook to climb into social acceptance.  What we mean by this is when fat people shame thin people in a fat-accepting space.  Here's an example: if one of our thin allies were to disagree with us on this blog, and we threw them under the bus for being ugly skinny bitches, we would be shaming them for their bodies in the same way that we've been shamed.  It is a petty, immature way to feel better about yourself.  You don't need that.  Be better than that.

You are the newborn baby.  Fat people are starting to gain a shared confidence.  This is great, but we still have a lot of growing up to do.  Yes, we may be seeing a lot of fat acceptance in the media, or at least more body acceptance, but we still aren't seeing accurate representation of the diversity that is the human body.  You need to be working to create good relationships with your older sibling.  Don't worry, we already talked to Thin Side about this, and Thin Side will be working on it, too.

Finally, don't let ANYONE tell you that you are less than the beautiful, whole, confident person that you have every right to be.  Don't let anyone tell you that you are pretty for a fat girl, because you are marvelous with no qualifiers necessary.  It is hard to live in a world with little privilege, but try hard to not let it get to you.  Work towards a better world for all of the future beautiful people.  If anyone tells you that you have no right and now power, show them that you do.

And use that power for good. Use that power to show off an identity that exists BECAUSE you are fat. Use that power to help others accept their bodies as well. Accept those body types similar and different to your own. Just because you may not have privilege, doesn’t mean that you have the right to minimize others’ experiences. What you have to say is valuable, and what you say and do is powerful, so make it positive, meaningful, and inclusive while staying true to yourself.

 P.S.: Dear Liminal (REALLY, ALL) Bodies,

You are ALL beautiful...but your curves, or your bones, or your perfect body-fat-to-muscle ratio cannot be detached from your whole, full IDENTITY.

Someday, you may change—bodies undergo a lot of transformations during life. That’s why it’s so important to love your body BECAUSE it is liminal, BECAUSE it is fat, BECAUSE it is thin, and accept those who are unique and different from you. Someday, you might have to love YOURSELF, not just others, because your body has changed. You may become fatter or thinner, you may see your body droop where it once did not, you may wrinkle when you smile someday, but if you embrace all bodies and use your own, in all it’s forms, as an outlet for your identity, then you will surely achieve a body confidence and fluidity that transcends the binary but also portrays someone who is uniquely YOU.