Throwback Thursday: I used to think that I needed to compensate for my weight..

From the BB:

Hello, Lovely readers! As you can see from the above title, I used to think that I had to compensate for my weight. This is a deep-rooted belief that STILL troubles me sometimes, but I am working on it.

What do I mean by “compensating” for my weight? It’s actually a lot more complicated than it sounds.

I do mean the typical kinds of being-fat-and-self-conscious compensation, such as trading a meal for a protein shake and feeling awesome about it, denying a deliciously decadent dessert or seductively salty snack, and/or singing my own praises for losing a pound and damning myself for gaining half-a-pound. BUT, I am also referring to types of compensation that are much more troubling than these; practices that I know other fatties have probably participated in, but at the same time I wouldn’t wish them upon anyone.

Until my awakening into body positivity and self-love, which means my entire life until my last year of college, I would compensate for my fat in ways that were unhealthy, detrimental, and simply illogical in order to feel better about being fat. (That means that today’s throwback covers a large span of time, and is pretty fresh in my mind—I may get emotional!)

The underlying cause of this compensation was the fact that I felt I had to make up for the fact that I was fat in every other aspect of my life. I believed, based on fat shaming, things people told me, the attitudes towards fat that I saw in the media, and my own damaged self-concept, that each positive act in my life would absolve me of my ultimate crime: being overweight.

This is tough to write about—and potentially tough to read about—but it has been such a presence in my life that I feel it is important to give voice to. I hope that it empowers you to examine your own attitudes towards your body and relieve yourself of some of these burdensome practices.

Here’s a list of the top five ways that I used to compensate for being fat:

1. Achievement: I used to believe that any positive achievements in my life automatically absolved me, bit by bit, of my worst quality: being fat. For example, if I received an award, a good grade, praise, or a compliment I immediately applied it to my mental tally of what made up for my weight. This was troubling because it meant that even in the face of achievement and positivity, my weight was never truly off of my mind. I would literally think to myself: “Well, I got an A on the paper, and so-and-so said I did a nice job playing floor hockey in gym class, so everyone is probably focusing on those things much more than my weight. Score for me!” It isn’t healthy to obsess over body type this much, period! But I did it. Constantly. Each time something positive happened in my life, the creeping thoughts about weight compensation were not far behind.

2. Self-Discipline: This is a practice that I have discussed with other fat people and read about extensively, so I know I am not alone here. Also, people who are thin, medium sized, or really any size fall victim to putting self-discipline on a pedestal. It’s something that we are taught so widely by the media, the way that weight loss advertisements address body type, and the praise and feedback we are given by others. I used to believe that when I denied myself a snack or abstained from sitting on the couch all day, I was compensating for my weight. I used to believe that self-discipline, when it came to avoiding certain foods, “lazy” activities, or even starving myself, made me a better person, and definitely made up for my being fat. If people saw that I wasn’t eating, they couldn’t blame me for being fat, right? People would even make comments to me such as, “You really don’t each much! I guess you really are just big-boned!” These comments weren’t meant to hurt me, but they perpetuated my belief that being praised for starving myself was healthy. Self-discipline is valuable for motivating yourself towards your goals, preferably in a healthy way, but it absolutely DOES NOT demonstrate your value as a person when the type of discipline is unhealthy.

3. Qualifying: I cannot tell you how many times qualifying my thoughts, actions, and beliefs made me feel better about being fat. For example, if I qualified myself as the funny-fat-girl, not just some fat girl, then I would automatically feel relief in social situations. People could see that I was fat without even talking to me, but if I could immediately utter a funny quip or insert a witty joke, my hope was that people would think: “Oh, well she’s actually pretty funny. Cool!” Qualifying goes deeper than this, too. Qualifying means that I would justify my fat constantly, thinking to myself “Okay, I’m fat but I’m also a good friend,” and hoping that others were thinking, “Okay she’s fat, but that was a really cool poem she wrote.” This ties back to the tendency to account for your fatness when first meeting someone, putting it out there that you are aware of your fat before another person can have a thought about it or point it out, that myself and the WW have cited in earlier blog entries. It’s the difference in thinking between “Well, I’m fat, BUT….” and “I’m fat, AND…” That difference is HUGE. (Pun intended).

4. Self-Deprecation Masking Self-Loathing: All those self-deprecating jokes I used to make, clever and humorous stabs at my own fat, were really masking self-loathing. I used to hate myself. I don’t say that lightly, either. I really could not stand to look at myself in a mirror, think about my weight, or confidently stand in front of a group without thinking to myself “You look like a stupid, fat idiot right now.” I absolutely detested my body and everything about it, from how it fit into clothes to how it looked when I sat down. I used to punch my gut and hope that my body would respond to the violence by shrinking. I used to run my nails over my stomach and scratch it, hoping to show it that it wasn’t wanted. I used to squeeze myself into tight little balls, hoping to shrink myself and to shrink away from my horrible, ruined body. And yes, I used to look in the mirror naked, as young as age 15, and think to myself: “What have I done to my ruined body?” (At this point in the entry, things are getting incredibly emotional for me). These are all actual effects of body negativity. Again I ask, if people knew how deep fat shaming goes, would they make fun of people for their bodies?

5. Self-Silencing: While at times I would over-compensate for being fat by trying to be funny and outgoing, at other times I would censor myself and silence myself in order to make up for it. Here’s the illogical thought process here: “I’ll hide myself in plain sight, I’ll be invisible. If people don’t notice me in intellectual and social spaces, then they’ll be less likely to notice the physical space that I take up with my enormous body.” This is the most recent and current form of fat compensation that I have participated in. In fact, it is the one that still troubles me to this day, at certain moments. I used to find myself reticent to speak up, even if I had a great idea or contribution, in class, in my circle of friends, and especially in front of strangers, because I assumed that they would stare at my fat body instead of listening to my voice. This problem was so terrible that it even extended to social media. Before my fat compensation got too out of control, I would post thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and poetry on my social media sites, really putting myself out there. The more self-conscious I became of my fat, the more I started silencing myself in person and online. I took down my poetry. I stopped posting my thoughts all the time. I didn’t want anything personal and important to me out there for anyone to judge, because a judgment about something I thought, felt, or wrote connected back in my mind to a judgment about my body. I didn’t want to be anymore vulnerable than I already was—if I kept myself locked up inside my mind, then the only vulnerability I had was my physical body, and what was I going to do about that anyway?

Whew. I hope you’ve made it this far with me, because it’s going to get less upsetting, I promise. (However, sometimes upsetting is good—it means that the point is real and valid, and it makes us reexamine our point of view).

I fully believe that eliminating number five on this list, self-silencing, has made the biggest impact in my life because it feeds into the other four fat compensation practices. I have always advocated for the power that comes from writing, and reasserting the power of SHARING writing along with the act of writing itself has helped me immensely. Having others benefit from, critique, or validate your own writing is a wonderful feeling. Having others that share your experiences or offer new experiences and perspectives is even better. With the conception of this blog I have reawakened my own desire to express myself. Even a year ago I would have NEVER said nor posted on the internet that I am fat and proud. Well, guess what?

I’M FAT AND PROUD.

And that is utterly empowering, truthful, and therapeutic to say. I have discovered the power of AND and rediscovered myself. I’m not funny but fat, I’m funny AND fat. Everything I am is an AND, and the power that comes from realizing and embracing a whole and full identity is truly amazing.

I can make a fat pun and laugh, not at myself, but with myself, because I am fat AND proud AND funny AND I like puns AND I like to write AND I like to dress my fat body AND I like to look at my fat body AND I like to feel whole and beautiful.

The power of AND is the best advice I can give to anyone who compensates for their body type. Don’t shadow your achievements with self-conscious thoughts, don’t qualify your words, actions, or self, don’t hate yourself, and certainly don’t silence yourself.

I’d like to end today’s entry with a quote from a favorite Red Hot Chili Peppers song, “Soul to Squeeze” (Music therapy is great, too! Writing put to action!):

“When I find my peace of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time

You're so polite indeed
Well I've got everything I need
I'll make my days a breeze
Then take away my self-destruction

It's bitter baby and it's very sweet
I'm on a rollercoaster but I'm on my feet”  

Fat Myth Monday: Getting Fat Is The WORST Thing That Can Happen To You

 This post was inspired by the following photo that the BB saw trending on Facebook: 

 

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a photo like this, or heard this phrase before. People really do have a fear of getting fat. Here are some examples:

“When I go to that reunion, I want to be HOT. I don’t want to show up old and fat and embarrass myself.”

“What if I can’t lose my pregnancy weight?”

“I’ve got to lose some weight before I show up at that party with my ex!”

“Did you see so-and-so? They got so FAT! I feel better about myself now.”

And yes, those are all examples we have heard in REAL LIFE. So today we are busting the myth that getting fat is the end of the world, that it is something we should fear, and that it is something to be ashamed of.

That’s a lot to tackle.

First of all, we can start by saying that life doesn’t end when you’re fat, really. Obviously the BB and the WW wouldn’t have this blog if there weren’t challenges to being fat, but at the same time we are trying to dismantle the assumptions, stereotypes, and misinformation surrounding being fat and also celebrate fat culture.

FAT CULTURE.

This is actually an advantage to being fat. There is an entire community of other fat people that understand your chafing problems, your complete and total fat fabulousness, and your desire to be hugely awesome and beautiful in your skin.

That kind of support doesn’t exist everywhere.

Back to the my-life-is-over-because-I’m-fat complaint, though. The BB and the WW are living proof that life is not over when you are fat. If you gain weight you aren’t going to be less loved, you aren’t going to be unsuccessful, and you aren’t going to automatically become unhealthy. YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN THE PATH YOUR LIFE TAKES. If someone discriminates against you based on weight, be a fat activist. If someone refuses to love you based on weight, you don’t need that asshole in your life. If you take care of your body and are still fat, that doesn’t mean you are unhealthy.

There will always be someone who stands in the corner and says “Wow, she’s gotten fat.” But it’s your choice as to what you do with that insult. Stand up for yourself. Don’t surround yourself with that negativity. Be proud of who you are. Love your body at all stages.

The BB and the WW can tell you that in some ways, life started AFTER they got fat. What we mean by this is that being fat has taught us a lot about activism, marginalized groups, right and wrong, binaries, social constructs, a whole lot of theory and research, and some about life, too.

We’ve learned self-love WHILE being as fat as we ever have been. This is something we could never master when we were smaller. Ironic, huh?

We both have loving partners who love our bodies. (Throwback to our letters to our partners and a few sexy parts from the BB! haha)

We are both successful college graduates, going through exciting changes in our lives, and loving every moment of the job search.

We are both, if we do say so ourselves, articulate writers and activists who believe in the power of language. In fact, being fat has enhanced our understanding of A LOT of feminist issues and other areas of study we are interested in.

And, from you, our readers, we have discovered that we are people that have made a difference in others’ lives. We thank you for that.

Here’s the shocker: WE DID ALL OF THIS WHILE BEING FREAKIN’ FABULOUSLY FAT. We even did some of it BECAUSE we are fat.

So is going back to your high school reunion as a fatty the worst thing ever? No. If someone thinks it is, then don’t surround yourself with that type of person. Go home and read this blog and know that you are loved. Google fat activism and look at all of the body positive campaigns happening. Fatties are speaking up for themselves, and it is beautiful.

In addition: Our bodies undergo so much change in life. Pregnant women are a perfect example, because carrying a child changes the body. For all of you women worried about losing baby weight: don’t. For some of you, your body may be permanently altered. For others, you may go back to your original state, and still for others you may be even smaller post-pregnancy. It all depends on your unique body, and a number of biological factors. Don’t stress yourself out trying to attain something you may be biologically incapable of attaining. Love YOU and your body’s natural way.

Thinness and Fatness can both be fleeting, fluctuating, or permanent; love your body in all stages of life. If the BB and the WW are no longer fat someday, we will confidently be able to say that we loved our bodies when we were. We will still advocate for fat people. And we will never praise our bodies for being one size while damning them for being another.

See all that stuff we just wrote? THAT’S POST-FAT WRITING, RIGHT THERE. Our lives aren’t over. They are beginning and always changing. Being fat IS NOT the end.

Love your body, love yourselves.

Dear Someone Sunday: Thanks for That Advice we DIDN'T ask For

Dear People Who Think It Is Their Business To Tell Others How To Be Healthy,

 It isn't.

 

We're tired of your false equivalencies (see photo above), preachy words, and pity-masked-by-fake-concern.

                                                  Let's begin with the picture.                                                  

a) to begin smoking is a choice

b) being fat is not always a choice

c) people get pretty annoyed when you tell them smoking is unhealthy

d) just as people get annoyed when you tell them being fat is unhealthy

e) the damage caused by smoking is not in any way comparable to a person's body shape

Now, we are in no way telling our readers to go out there and call people out for being smokers. Chances are if you're smoking you probably already know all of the concerns and get really annoyed with people telling you how to live your life. Our real point here is that biology and the choice to smoke are very different, and that we are sick of people calling out both parties by using a false equivalency.

Now on to the preachy words.  NO ONE LIKES SOMEONE WHO ACTS LIKE THAT.  Do you like feeling lectured like a petulant child?

Didn't think so. It's not your job to martyr yourself as a savior, going around rescuing people from their "vices." I'M FAT. I’M NOT A VICTIM OR SOMEONE WHO MADE AN UNINFORMED CHOICE.

Finally, get out with your pity-masked-as-concern.  This one time, the WW received a weight loss pamphlet at work from a random customer (incidentally, a man) accompanied by a sympathetic gaze.  What did she do?  At the time, she was not a fat-activist, so she didn't say anything, but she wanted to throw it back in his face and say, "I LIKE BEING FAT, THANKS."

The point here is that fat people shouldn't be made to feel like they're wrong for looking the way they do.

This relates back to the BB’s experience at the gynecologist. Something she forgot to mention: The doctor also asked her, in a voice filled with condescending pity, “Level with me, do you even want to lose weight?” DON’T ASSUME THAT WEIGHT LOSS IS THE KEY TO PERFECT HEALTH AND HAPPINESS, AND DON’T ASSUME THAT YOU HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS.

We’ve researched plenty to the contrary of these assumptions on our blog, so you can go ahead and stop with the pity now.

What is most annoying about these situations is the inherent way in which people trying to “help” always come off as though they know best and are in the right. Did you ever stop to think that maybe fat people, smokers, or any other group you are judging by trying to “help” already know everything you are telling them? Did they ask you to tell them your opinion? Most importantly:

Have you ever considered that your advice is wrong or does not apply to that person?

  

The real point of this letter is to tell people to think before they speak. It’s a cliché, yes; but it holds true. Always consider your words before you say them, even if you have the best intentions. Sometimes good intentions blind you to your own ignorance.

Sincerely,

The FABULOUSLY FAT and FED UP BB and WW!

Whatever Wednesday: BB and WW Life Updates!

 What do fat activists do when they aren't blogging?

You may have noticed a lack of FAT updates for the past couple of days, so perhaps these LIFE updates will give you an idea about the exciting changes happening in the lives of the BB and the WW!

From the BB:

Post-College Life is NUTS!

There are several phases that myself and other graduates I know have gone through, in varying order, that seem to define this period in life.

For one, there’s the OH MY GOD I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL AND NOW I’M DONE WITH EVERYTHING ELSE PHASE!

This is the first phase that I went through. I wanted a break, BIG TIME. After graduation I just wanted to relax, spend some time with friends and family, and not worry about finding a job or doing any adult things. It was like reverting back to carefree teenage years. I slept in consistently for probably the first time in two years. I didn’t go to meetings. I didn’t work too often at my job. I relaxed and explored my own hobbies and interests again. I read and wrote more often.

It was kind of awesome.

But then, I went through an indecisive phase. What if I went to school for four years for the wrong degree? Is teaching what I really want?

I began blogging with the WW and wondered: Can I just do this forever?

I definitely want to continue writing this, and to publish books…that’s a certainty. But, teaching really is my passion, despite my hesitations.

Suddenly, and recently, I’ve cascaded into an empowered, confident, GET SHIT DONE phase. In just the past two weeks I have begun applying for teaching positions as well as another job in the town that my partner and I want to live in. I began making a budget, looking at our savings, and having realistic conversations about moving to an area with more teaching opportunities.

Miraculously, it paid off.

Just today my partner and I signed a lease for our first apartment in our ideal city! We are enthralled. I have two potential jobs as well.

Back in August, before student teaching, I had the feeling that my best years, the college years that I had anticipated forever, were over.

During my FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE phase, I thought this as well.

Now I’m finally realizing that there are other important things in life; that some of this adult shit is actually kinda great!

I can’t wait to start a job that I am fully educated and prepared for.

I can’t wait to decorate my new apartment and make a home with my partner.

I can’t wait to see where this blog and my other writing go.

I think that all of these crazy phases are extremely important. I’ve appreciated my leisure time to rediscover my interests after being CONSUMED with school and being busy. It was an important monthortwo that helped me re-evaluate myself.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this update from the life of the BB! Fat activists do have to take care of day-to-day junk and make some time for introspection, too!

-The BB  

From the WW:

When I envisioned my life after college, I always pictured leaving with a teaching job already lined up and a house and no debt.  Obviously, I was very naïve, because I am very broke, very in debt, and I am still working at the Dollar Tree.  Can you tell how excited I am by that prospect?  Unfortunately, there are not a lot of openings for high school English teachers.  But I’m actually thinking this may work out for me, and while that could be the post-graduate-with-a-liberal-arts-degree syndrome, here’s why: I have been so focused on teaching (because you can’t be anything other than focused when you’re in the middle of trying to get your degree) that I haven’t had a chance to think about other things I might want to do.  Yeah, I am a licensed teacher now, but I also have a degree in English, which means I could do a lot of different things.  While I would love to teach, I am realizing that there is a whole world of opportunities out there, and some that include still working with high school students. 

Anyway, I am now planning on moving out of state and I have a job interview there at a daycare.  It will be a completely new experience for me, as I am used to being able to have conversations with teenagers.  Now I’ll have to adjust my conversational skills to the toddler level.  The little experience I have with that tells me that speaking with toddlers is a whole different story. 

Moving out of state is incredibly stressful, especially since my partner went ahead of me.  We may have to live separately for a while until we can find a good place for both of us to live, but we’re both hoping that making this sacrifice will make our lives better in the long run.

So if you don’t hear from me for a while, it is because I am frantically packing and job-searching and house-searching.  I will do my best to keep up with this and with the BB, because right now, this is my passion, and all of our readers are very important to me!

Dear Someone Sunday: The Fat-and-Thin SEE-saw: A New Perspective on Binaries

Readers: Today we are writing collaborative letters to each end of the binary that fuels our entire blog: The Fat-Thin Binary.

A binary has two parts on two separate ends of a spectrum. One side is more privileged than the other. Think of a see-saw. If a fat person sat on one end, and a thin person on the other, the thin person would be higher in the air. Now, replace physics and gravity with the idea of privilege. The thin person, high in the sky, is on the privileged side of the binary, and the fat person is stuck on the ground, on the less favored side of the binary. The thin person is the norm, and the fat person the Other.  

Essentially, one side of a binary always has a more positive connotation, and the other a negative one. There are always exceptions, of course, but whichever side of the spectrum you fall on can influence your sense of self and identity as well as your everyday life and the way that others view you. 

Some examples of binaries with the privileged side first: Straight and Gay, White and Black, Youth and Old Age, Rich and Poor, etc.

We should mention also Liminal figures. These people/ideas occupy the middle of the binary (such as a medium-sized person, a bisexual person, or an interracial person) and often get pushed out of the spotlight. That is, people become so focused on the extremes of binaries that they forget those who fall in the middle. Other times, those who occupy the liminal space are ostracized and berated rather than just ignored because they are considered as the Other from both ends of the spectrum. (Basically being a liminal figure can be neutral, negative, or sometimes positive…like if you are proud of a liminal heritage, for example!)

So, keeping in mind that the BB and the WW are on the FAT side of the fat-thin binary, we would like to address our letters to this much-debated dichotomy:

Dear Thin Side:

We have not had a lot of great experiences with you.  A lot of the thin people in our lives have exercised a thin privilege, even without knowing they are doing so.  And now that fat activism is really taking root, we're seeing some things that suggest some of you don't understand that thin privilege is real, and is often manifested in tangible ways.

 For example, many thin people don’t have to worry about going to get their hair cut. No worries about CHUBBY CHEEKS and minimizing that chub with the perfect cut to distract people from your FAT FACE. In addition: Even when being criticized as “small,” “thin,” “bony,” or “tiny” those criticisms still do not communicate the same level of awkwardly restricted pity as “she’s a bigger girl…but she’s cute,” “she’s ok, kinda chunky,” or “well, she’s fat but she’s really sweet.” Your adjectives, even when it is said that you are “too skinny,” don’t come with all those extra words meant to sound like sympathy when they actually mask misplaced pity, contempt, or embarrassment.

Perhaps the most important thing we can say here is that just because we applaud fat people for being beautiful does not mean we think you are less beautiful.  Beauty is not restricted to one size.  That is the point.  We just want to share the spotlight, and you should let us.  You are already applauded by society, at least in this regard, and it shouldn't be necessary to receive praise just because the fat side is getting it. In many ways, we see you as the older sibling to a newborn baby.  You were used to getting adoration from your parents, but now that the baby is getting more attention, you are feeling somewhat left out.

We want EVERYONE to feel beautiful,  NOT “NO MATTER” where they fall on the body spectrum, but BECAUSE OF WHERE THEY FALL ON THE BODY SPECTRUM. Us being recognized as beautiful doesn't make you less beautiful. Just like you being bashed for being skinny doesn't make fat bashing less prevalent and hurtful. Don't silence us with your own hurt or privilege. Instead, make room for everyone else in the spotlight without feeling any less than you are. Let in those fat and liminal bodies.

Lastly, please don't preach a kind of "body blindness" that indicates that you don't mind if someone is fat, skinny, or medium sized at all, it's about what counts inside. Of course a person's thoughts, feelings, spirit, and inner self are valuable parts of identity...but so is the body. We can't break down the binary together if we don't simultaneously embrace and empathize. That is, we have to embrace everyone's body--not tolerance, but acceptance--and we have to at the same time empathize with all body types. The body can be a wonderful indicator of identity--how we dress it, carry it, use it, and portray it. Why limit that by saying "body type doesn't matter." IT DOES! Be our THIN allies. Don't be our "body blind" allies. We are beautiful and so are you, and we all have our own distinct outer and inner identities.

Dear Fat Side:

You're not getting off easy just because we are a part of you.  Something that needs to change is the way in which body-shaming is used as a grappling hook to climb into social acceptance.  What we mean by this is when fat people shame thin people in a fat-accepting space.  Here's an example: if one of our thin allies were to disagree with us on this blog, and we threw them under the bus for being ugly skinny bitches, we would be shaming them for their bodies in the same way that we've been shamed.  It is a petty, immature way to feel better about yourself.  You don't need that.  Be better than that.

You are the newborn baby.  Fat people are starting to gain a shared confidence.  This is great, but we still have a lot of growing up to do.  Yes, we may be seeing a lot of fat acceptance in the media, or at least more body acceptance, but we still aren't seeing accurate representation of the diversity that is the human body.  You need to be working to create good relationships with your older sibling.  Don't worry, we already talked to Thin Side about this, and Thin Side will be working on it, too.

Finally, don't let ANYONE tell you that you are less than the beautiful, whole, confident person that you have every right to be.  Don't let anyone tell you that you are pretty for a fat girl, because you are marvelous with no qualifiers necessary.  It is hard to live in a world with little privilege, but try hard to not let it get to you.  Work towards a better world for all of the future beautiful people.  If anyone tells you that you have no right and now power, show them that you do.

And use that power for good. Use that power to show off an identity that exists BECAUSE you are fat. Use that power to help others accept their bodies as well. Accept those body types similar and different to your own. Just because you may not have privilege, doesn’t mean that you have the right to minimize others’ experiences. What you have to say is valuable, and what you say and do is powerful, so make it positive, meaningful, and inclusive while staying true to yourself.

 P.S.: Dear Liminal (REALLY, ALL) Bodies,

You are ALL beautiful...but your curves, or your bones, or your perfect body-fat-to-muscle ratio cannot be detached from your whole, full IDENTITY.

Someday, you may change—bodies undergo a lot of transformations during life. That’s why it’s so important to love your body BECAUSE it is liminal, BECAUSE it is fat, BECAUSE it is thin, and accept those who are unique and different from you. Someday, you might have to love YOURSELF, not just others, because your body has changed. You may become fatter or thinner, you may see your body droop where it once did not, you may wrinkle when you smile someday, but if you embrace all bodies and use your own, in all it’s forms, as an outlet for your identity, then you will surely achieve a body confidence and fluidity that transcends the binary but also portrays someone who is uniquely YOU.

The Bikini Bridge and the Thigh Gap: Why the LACKadaisical Attitudes Toward Body Image Trends Need to Get Serious

Yesterday, we wrote about fat-shaming in the media.  Since today is Student Saturday, we're going to talk about some fat-shaming trends that are especially popular with teenagers: the bikini bridge and the thigh gap.  If you haven't heard of either, here's some reading material on both:

 Wikipedia Thigh Gap Definition

 Why the Thigh Gap is Mostly Unattainable

 Modeling and the Thigh Gap

4Chan Bikini Bridge Hoax

 Zhou Article: Thigh Gap and Bikini Bridge

Both of these trends focus on something that is particularly interesting to us as feminists: an absence of body.

A disturbingly pervasive Freudian idea fought by feminist theory (if you've heard it, great, if not, we'll be your fabulous, fat, feminist tour guides through theory!) is Freud's description of the female body as a "lack." He characterizes women as inherently less-than men, simply because they lack a phallus. The phallus makes men the superior sex, and women their less-than counterparts. This idea may seem strange, silly, or outdated at first, but it really does pervade our culture today.

The bikini bridge and the thigh gap are perfect examples of Freud's "lack." College student and blogger for the Huffington Post's Women's Blog Angela Zhou describes the obsession with these trends as follows: "How ridiculous does it sound to boast what is thought of as a lucrative physical body part, when in fact no part of anyone's body makes up a thigh gap or bikini bridge. Both are simply an absence of body that many women now worship" (Zhou).

So, let's recap. Freud theorizes about women having lesser status because of what he calls a biological lack and defect.

Decades later, women idolize parts of their body that are lacking--they believe that a thigh gap and a bikini bridge, blank spaces in which their bodies do not exist, increase their value and attractiveness. They strive to lack and succeed whether or not they fail. That is, they either get the gap and thus succeed at lacking, or they fail to obtain a thigh gap and lack the unattainable lack! (yes, it IS ridiculous and circular logic---let's crush this trend!)

 

These trends relate to yet another part of feminist theory: the gaze.  This is easiest to understand in terms of movies and advertisements. The gaze refers to the idea that women on screen are objectified by a male gaze. You can see this in certain commercials for shampoo or lotion when the camera focuses on a section of a woman's body, dehumanizing the woman and using her as an object to sell a product.

While using a leg or arm in an advertisement for lotion makes sense, the issue here is that it follows a trend of objectifying women and women alone.

The thigh gap, though new to some, is actually quite old.

It comes from the modeling industry, an industry that caters directly to the gaze by encouraging unhealthy body obsessions.

However, it has now leaked into popular culture through the media, and now this unhealthy obsession is not only a problem that models face, but one that young girls face. In her piece for the Huffington Post, Zhou recalls sitting on the beach talking inanely about the thigh gap with her friends.

In the WW's experience with student teaching, she heard many young girls talking about the thigh gap as well. 

This is a serious issue, and one that focuses on something that doesn’t even exist.  It is literally an obsession with nothing.

As though these problems weren’t troubling enough, the unhealthy thigh gap obsession is furthered by the fact that it is literally physically unattainable for some women (see article linked above) because their bone structure does not allow for it. SOUNDS FAMILIAR. Just as Freud Others women as the “lacking” (less privileged, less valued and esteemed) counterpart to men, women who seek an unattainable thigh gap devalue themselves over something that they cannot possibly obtain! (Even if they do manage to obtain it, they are OBTAINING A LACK OF SOMETHING).
Why participate in trends that celebrate something that isn't there? This is the trend of the unattainable; the celebration of what women don't have rather than what they do.

Similarly, we have the bikini bridge.

If you read the articles above, you know that the bikini bridge began as a way to shame fat people, devised by an individual on 4chan. (In the BB’s experience, other users on this website post horrible and offensive things, too). This is such a prevalent and important issue to discuss because it is so old YET current, it ties into Freud’s theory AND feminist theory, it is meant to be “thinspiration” YET it is anything but (healthily) inspirational.

Again, the lack of space between the two hip bones, leaving them exposed to hold up a bikini bottom so that it does not touch the typically flat stomach beneath, shows how the female lack is idolized. What supposedly began as a cruel joke to shame fat people who couldn’t obtain the bikini bridge—and those people who aren’t even fat but still can’t obtain it—has turned into something that some women actually expect of themselves.

In addition to STRIVING to LACK SOMETHING, both the bikini bridge and the thigh gap encourage unhealthy behaviors. This isn’t about shaming skinny people by un-shaming fat people or saying that skinny is bad and fat is good, or vise versa; it isn’t about saying that dieting is no good; it isn’t about denying the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. IT’S ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE BIKINI BRIDGE AND THE THIGH GAP, FOR MOST, ARE PHYSICALLY UNOBTAINABLE AND LUSTING AFTER THEM DRAGS WOMEN BACK INTO A PLACE OF LITTLE EMPOWERMENT AND UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS. WOMEN STRIVE FOR A LACK WHEN THEY SHOULD BE STRIVING FOR SELF-LOVE AND WHOLENESS.

 We're going to say that again because it is really important.  Instead of focusing on being a confident, comfortable, WHOLE human being, women are trained to focus on a mostly unobtainable LACK of body.  The entire quest to be thinner to be prettier, or even to be thinner to be healthier, is based on the idea that the less space you occupy, the more worthy you are of being a human being.  This next example comes from the WW's favorite show, Doctor Who.  For those Whovians who started with Rose Tyler and Christopher Eccleston, think back to Cassandra, the last human.  For those of you who don't watch Doctor Who, do that.  But if you don't have time, here's what I'm talking about.  Rose and the Doctor travel five billion years into the future to see the final destruction of the Earth, and attending the event are other notable, wealthy members of alien society.  One of these celebrities is Cassandra O'Brien, the last pure human.  She is literally a piece of skin, stretched like a canvas, with a face.  She has achieved PURE human beauty for a woman, and that beauty is unparalleled thinness.  Here's a picture for all the non-whovians:

You can also see this idea in the following spoken word poem, which focuses on the shrinking of women to accommodate male figures in their lives:

 Spoken Word Poem

The two trends we focused on today, the bikini bridge and the thigh gap, feed into this bizarre idea of worth based on less space occupied.  Unfortunately, these ideas are readily available and accessible to young people.  That's what makes these trends dangerous.

Fat-shaming Friday: Fat People Should Feel Ashamed for Their Obvious Poor Nutrition Choices...Paleo Label Can "Help!"

Fat-shaming Friday: Fat People Should Feel Ashamed for Their Obvious Poor Nutrition Choices...Paleo Label Can "Help!"

From reading our blog, and probably from your own experiences, you know that not ALL fat people make poor nutrition choices, and you also know that NOT all skinny people make good nutrition choices. Well, the following 2010 commercial for Paleo brand foods begs to differ:

Paleo Fat Shaming Commercial

This commercial is a perfect example of mass media fat shaming. It makes a TON of assumptions about fat people, the overarching one being, of course, that fat people make poor nutrition choices and need help. The depiction of the "main character" (the man making poor nutrition choices and suffering (some research un-supported) consequences) is meant to make fat people feel ashamed and ignorant of their own diets and bodies. It is also supposed to make them feel othered, ugly, and shameful if they have made these same "choices" or fall into ANY of the fat stereotypes explored in the commercial.

So for this Fat-Shaming Friday, we wanted to offer you an analysis of just one of the many commercials that participates in fat-shaming.  We'll start with the paleo-approved grocery section.  This section is very small and easy to pass up.  Our main character, Red Shirt Guy, slows down a little when he walks past this particular section, but like most people, probably either doesn't know what paleo means or doesn't care because he is just there to buy some milk, bread, frozen pizza, and beef.  Little does he know, this decision to buy LITERALLY MILK, BREAD, FROZEN PIZZA, and BEEF is going to prove fatal.

He then moves on to pick up his first purchase: MILK.  Unfortunately, this guy lives in a world occupied by HARSH side effects from basic foods.  Milk is called "Acne Milk," and without even drinking it, he starts breaking out with acne.  I probably don't need to tell you that milk provides a lot of necessary nutrients and helps your bones grow.  But if there's a risk for acne, you probably shouldn't drink it, right?  Who cares if your bones are unhealthy and you aren't getting your serving of dairy?  You might get acne!  Better not risk it!  But Red Shirt Guy clearly doesn't care, because he quickly moves on to Product Number Two: BREAD.

Oh wait, I'm sorry.  OBESITY BREAD.

Once again, Red Shirt Guy's body begins to change as soon as he makes the bad decision to pick up a non-paleo-approved food.  He gains weight in all the "wrong" places: his chest (especially "wrong" because he is a MAN), his stomach, his neck, and his love-handles.

As he moves on to Product Number Three, CELIAC DISEASE PIZZA, he begins to move more slowly and the music even slows down as his gait turns into a waddle.

The task of selecting a frozen pizza (which is obviously going to automatically give him the digestive disease previously mentioned) proves too much and Red Shirt Guy falls down and must be assisted by the SKINNY grocery store employee. Obviously too acne-covered, obese, and diseased to walk, Red Shirt Guy is using an electric wheelchair in the next scene, and STILL being assisted by the SKINNY clerk.

] The skinny clerk then pushes him to final, deathly, Product Number Four: BEEF.  Skinny Clerk, in an attempt to be "helpful," picks up Pale-Approved Grass-Fed Beef.  But Red Shirt Guy, who is now far too obese and riddled with disease to communicate with speech, simply waves a limp hand at it and instead picks up Corn-Fed Beef that has a confident Heart Disease label stamped across the front.  As Skinny Clerk (who looks suspiciously similar to Red Shirt Guy at the beginning of this perilous adventure) watches, Red Shirt Guy looks into the camera vacantly and falls out of his motorized chair to the tune of hospital machinery.

Thankfully, our narrator (male…weird!  see yesterday's post for significance) cuts in here to give us the encouraging advice that "You don't have to end up like this!"  Thanks, narrator!  I was feeling pretty down and discouraged about making similar purchases.  Please tell me how I can avoid dying shamefully in a grocery store!

He then goes on to tell us, "Reverse your bad health by making better choices!"

Well, what kind of better choices could I possibly make?  Could it have anything to do with buying from the pitifully small paleo-approved foods section?

"Paleo food label!  Leading you to the food that leads to better health!"

Oh, thanks so much!  I won't be buying any obesity bread in the foreseeable future!

This commercial relies heavily on emotions, specifically fear and disgust, to shame fat people.  The slowing of the music, sound of hospital machinery, and thud when he hits the floor all contribute to the overall feeling of fear, in addition to the misleading labels of ACNE! OBESITY! CELIAC DISEASE! HEART DISEASE!

 His lack of spoken communication and consistently poor choices dehumanizes him, and this is even continued by Skinny Clerk, who accompanies him like a guy walking his dog.  We may feel bad for him at first because he gets acne from drinking milk, which is just so not fair, but by the time he gets to the beef, we're pretty irritated with him for making stupid choices, and we may even sympathize with Skinny Clerk, who is clearly just trying to help a guy who doesn't know how to help himself.

Finally, this commercial follows a common trend in fat-shaming culture within the final few seconds: "Leading you to the food that leads to better health!"  Fat people don't know any better, even though it is right in front of them, so we have to lead them there like animals.

Obviously this commercial is riddled with issues--we just discussed them--but it is also riddled with implications and consequences not even considered in the ad itself. Because the commercial dehumanizes fat people, it makes them easier targets both inside AND OUTSIDE of the commercial for disgust from others, which of course contributes to self-loathing and shame.

The shaming doesn't stop with the ad, and this isn't just an innocent, humorous jab at fatties. It's part of an entirely larger problem that makes fat people easy and acceptable targets for shaming by taking away their humanity. See enough of these commercials, and anti-fat attitudes will slowly take root.

Tomorrow we'll be talking about anti-fat trends that are popular among teenagers: the bikini bridge and the thigh gap.  Come back and check it out!  It'll be a good one.