Whatever Wednesday: TOP TEN STEPS to Body Empowerment!

Hello lovely readers! Today we are going to take something that we think is really valuable from our Whatever Wednesday "junk drawer:" a comprehensive list of actual steps that you can take on your path to body empowerment. We write about a lot of personal experiences, empowering messages, and even backwards and offensive media, but we realize that we have not given our readers a very direct idea of exactly HOW to become body positive.

Disclaimer: These steps may not work for everyone; but they definitely work for us! They may also work in any order for you. Try some of them out and see how your path to body positivity improves! (If you are unhappy with your body at any stage, not just fat, these tips apply to you, too!)  

Also, please enjoy these motivational pictures we've gathered!

The BB and WW Top Ten Steps to Body Empowerment:

1. Tell Yourself That You Are Beautiful.

This is from the WW.  You guys probably remember me talking about this before, but it is absolutely one of the most important things I did for myself to get to where I am now, so it definitely belongs on this list.  You need to believe that you ARE BEAUTIFUL exactly how you are, including all those imperfections you were taught to hate.  Cellulite on the back of your thighs, love handles with stretched and purpled marks like you've been clawed by a bear, that wobbly bit on the front of your stomach that hangs over your jeans, fat fingers that trap your rings, armpit pudge that refuses to allow just a tank top on a hot summer day, the fat overhang on the back of your knee, the chubby cheeks that flush so easily.  All of these things are a part of you, and just as you need praise and love, so too do these pieces of you.  Tell yourself you're beautiful when you're seeing friends or family who haven't seen you since you gained that extra twenty pounds.  Tell yourself you're beautiful when you're in the dressing room, trying to decide if you want to admit that you're the next size up or just tell the salesperson that the item fit, you just didn't like how it fell on you, and then hope they don't give you a pitying look.  Tell yourself you're beautiful when you're alone and content.  Tell yourself you're beautiful when your smaller friends talk about dieting and how out of shape they are.  Tell yourself you're beautiful with your best fat friend, and make sure you tell her, too.  The only rule here is end the sentence after beautiful.  DO NOT EVER ADD A COMMA BUT or an IF to that sentence.  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

2. Surround Yourself With People Who Affirm Your Beauty.

If you have friends, a partner, or family members who constantly criticize your body type, it can be difficult to confront them because you love them. However, it is VITAL to surround yourself with people who are going to affirm your beauty rather than reinforce a negative self-concept. Instead of cutting ties with important people in your life you can always try to educate them. Tell them that you are having a hard time and that you need support, not criticism. Let them know that you are trying to love yourself, not qualify your body every second of the day.

On the other hand, if someone claims they will be less attracted to you, physically or as a a person, because of any changes that your body goes through, then honestly you probably don't need that person in your life. If a person really loves and supports you, then they should empathize and stop any body shaming nonsense that they think is helping you. If they won't, then it is up to you to surround yourself with people that will treat you better.

Once you have a support system--like the friendship shared by the BB and the WW, and their support from their partners, for example--your path to body positivity becomes much easier and much more empowering. The condition of your self-concept ultimately lies with you, but having a support system that believes in you and affirms your inner AND outer beauty is a key step in self-improvement.

Side note: Don't settle for people who just "tolerate" your body type either. Surround yourself with those who have a genuine respect for you and your body and who will compliment you, help you out on a bad day, and be your biggest cheerleaders.

3. Don't Torture Yourself With Unrealistic Expectations.

The first thing that comes to the BB's mind with number three is clothing. Absolutely DO NOT buy clothing that is too small for you with the goal of fitting into it. This is a really specific guideline but it happens so often that it needs to be addressed. It may seem like an inspirational idea to buy a smaller size because you think that you'll feel accomplished when you finally fit into it. However, what if it is unrealistic for your body to be that smaller size? What happens when you never fit into it, and you torture yourself by staring at those jeans, that skirt, or the tiny top hanging in your closet and wishing your body away instead of loving it as is?

I'm writing from experience here. I have been guilty of holding onto clothes that are in good shape but simply don't fit me because I believed that I wanted to, and could, be that size again. For some of us, getting smaller isn't attainable, and that's supported by research. For others, it is achievable, in a correct and healthy fashion, but don't torture yourself WHILE your body is changing.

You will always, always ALWAYS feel best when you dress for the body that you have, not the body that you want.

It's about loving your body in all stages, and not using fat shaming--"I'm not worthy until I fit into THAT smaller size"--to improve your self-concept. After all, if you have to shame yourself into doing something, then you aren't going about it in a healthy way.

Another one of these unrealistic expectations is that you'll be able to lose weight FAST before you see people you haven't seen for a long time.  We know that a lot of fat people go through this.  For instance, going to events like high school reunions or weddings of old friends can be stressful if you've gained your weight since you last saw them, much like the BB and the WW, who gained the majority of their weight in the last few years.  Sometimes fatties (the WW remembers doing this for trips back home during college holidays) will take drastic measures to achieve a past body weight, like extreme diet and exercise.  That kind of behavior is not healthy and it is not giving yourself a realistic expectation.  You don't need to worry about what other people think, because as long as you can be confident in yourself and your own success as a professional or just as a person, it won't even matter!  It might surface a little, because old habits like that are hard to break, but you'll at least have the ability to shove it back down.

4. Read Something Empowering Everyday

The WW and the BB started out by reading The Militant Baker.  We didn't even read it every day (although the WW pulled it out more than once when she needed some inspiration), but reading something empowering (LIKE OUR BLOG, COOL HOW THAT GOT IN THERE HUH) every day could really speed along the process.

Check out links on the side of our blog for more body empowerment.

5. Start Analyzing The Media That You Are Surrounded With

Don't automatically assume that all of those weight loss ads you see everyday are correct--Start questioning them! As you can read in many of our previous posts, research definitely does not always support the skinny=healthy and fat=unhealthy assertion. This false equivalency fuels so much of the media that we are bombarded with. Take initiative and call out those ads that make assumptions, fallacies, and stereotypes their main focus to sell a product. The more that you discover how incorrect and damaging these messages can be, the more empowered you will feel.  (YOU CAN LOOK AT OUR BLOG FOR MORE MEDIA ANALYSIS TOO)

6.  STOP DIETING.

Eat foods that make your body feel good.  You don't need to worry about all that other crap yet.  When doing a journey towards body empowerment, you need to sever all ties with dieting, and that includes things like limiting carbs, counting calories, and cutting out sugars.  That's because dieting is impossibly tied to beauty and self-image.  Once you get through to a healthier mental state, it will be easier for you to get back into healthy eating habits without also damaging your self image.

7. Start Accepting and Believing Compliments

When someone gives you a genuine compliment, don't feel you have to deny the compliment at first just because you are fat. We've all been there. The thought process is something like this: Oh, someone actually complimented me...better brush it off since I'm fat and maybe they were just trying to be nice, even though I'm secretly hoping that they will say it again and I can graciously accept it the second time around because now I deserve it.

Hope that makes sense, readers!

YOU DESERVE TO ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT THE FIRST TIME. YOU ARE WORTHY OF THAT COMPLIMENT. DON'T OVERTHINK IT.

The BB and the WW are both guilty of not accepting compliments or qualifying them with an "oh, thanks. It'd be better if I lost some weight!" However, once you actually start believing those compliments you'll find that people are actually more willing to give them, and the more they give them, the more you becoming willing to accept them. It's a very positive cycle. Who wants to give a compliment to someone who always denies it? Reach out and take that compliment!

8. Reach Out To Other Fatties! We Are Here For You!

As mentioned above, it is really helpful to have friends who are supportive of you and your journey.  But you know what else really helps?  When YOU become that supportive friend!  If you are affirming another person's self worth, it is hard to not recognize your own.  Also, when you have that bond with another person, you have an awesome support system.  The BB and the WW have reached a point where we affirm each other almost every day, not because we necessarily NEED it then, but because we both recognize the value of that affirmation.  Also, if you EVER need any hints to get started out, PLEASE get in touch with us!  We'd love to share the fat love with you!

9. Check Your Own Bias

It is NOT empowering to criticize other people, whether they are the same weight as you or not, because you feel badly about yourself.  If you're a fat person and you say things like "Ohhh that skinny girl needs to eat a sandwich!" you are participating in body shaming. STOP THAT. Skinny people have a right to feel beautiful just as fat people do. Reverse shaming isn't going to solve anything.

Additionally, don't qualify your fat. In a previous post we linked a short story, The Strange History of Suzanne LaFleshe, in which the main character says something like: "Well, I'm a fat girl, but I'm not the kind of fat girl with a double chin or anything." Fat people often look to other, fatter people to make themselves feel better about their own fat. This is body shaming, too!

Finally, self-bias is a very really thing. Don't underestimate yourself because you are fat. Don't assume that being fat will prevent you from moving forward in life. Once you assume that, it is difficult to prove to yourself that it is untrue. Don't make self-deprecating comments that only make others believe that it's okay for them to criticize you, too.

10. Never Apologize For Being Fat!

Do we really have to explain this one?  Don't apologize to other people.  Don't apologize to yourself.  JUST BE FAT.  JUST LOVE YOURSELF.  JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT.  No apology necessary.

Look at yesterday's post for an example--just because you don't fit in a public restroom, doesn't mean that you are at fault. CHANGE THE WORLD INSTEAD OF CHANGING YOURSELF. Unapologetically, love yourself.

For more information on being unapologetically you, check out The Body is Not An Apology.  They have a wonderful, active Facebook page.