Happy Holidays from the BB and the WW! Today the BB is going
to give you a peek inside of our activism junk drawer full of gems!
Today is a solo post from the BB, with a very important
message supported by both of your favorite fabulous and fat bloggers.
Since this is the first whatever Wednesday, and it is Christmas Day, we wanted to show our support for inclusivity
around the holidays. No matter what you are—or aren’t—celebrating today, we
hope that you are doing it happily! ;)
In addition, in the overly debated but often misconstrued
“happy holidays” vs. “merry Christmas” debacle, both myself and the WW firmly
stand with happy holidays for the sake of inclusivity—so often people overlook
this when becoming offended by the greeting “happy holidays.” To sum up: not
everyone celebrates Christmas, so don’t assume that they do or get upset with someone
for accommodating everyone. The end!
Now, on to the related and less debated (or even discussed)
Whatever Wednesday topic. Feeling safe and comfortable during the holidays.
Many people may think that family celebrations connote
happiness—maybe with a few lighthearted or funny disagreements, or even a
little ‘family drama--’ but the WW and I are quite aware that some people feel
most alone surrounded by their families during the holidays.
For example, we’ve established that the WW and I are fat—and
proud!—but that doesn’t mean that we don’t become a little anxious during the
holidays. Sometimes our families are the harshest critics that we have—maybe
because there’s so much at stake when you love someone? Even if it is from a
place of kindness, slight comments about gained or lost weight, the way
something fits, or even sidelong glances at each other’s plates can mean a day
of holiday anxiety for chubby people. Any fatty can tell you that a good deal
of shame and stress go into how much to eat, who to eat in front of, the
acceptable amount of helpings to take, etc, at holiday meals. Especially when
it comes to extended family, who possibly haven’t been around as much to notice
weight gains and/or losses, the anxiety of waiting for them to notice/comment
on your body is excruciating!
Now, without falling into a long debate that is for another
entry, I want to briefly comment on another instance of holiday anxiety. People
close to me who are part of the LGBTQ community have expressed anxiety about
waiting for family members to bring up and defend the Duck Dynasty comments
made by Phil Robertson. Again, it’s an issue of inclusivity—it feels terrible
to be othered by a family member.
The same is often true for individuals with different
religions, differing political beliefs, and more. Sometimes the dinner table
feels like a holiday battle ground in which family members are firing
intolerance, aggression, and disappointing belief bombs all over the scorched
ground of your anxious heart. –Whoa, that may have come from a personal place!
So, what do we do when family members have intolerant
opinions, and we want them to feel empathetic or we have the urge to educate
them?
Everyone is different. Some of us are dinner-table-activists
who will stand up for their beliefs and bravely, boldly educate.
…others of us, not so much. (And that’s okay!)
If, like me, you aren’t of the dinner-table-activist
variety—whether because it has backfired in the past or because facing your
family and being yourself is extremely difficult and some of us just aren’t
there yet—you can look to community. The following is a short list of surviving
the holidays tips that I have tried with some success!
1. Stay Connected!
People
sometimes complain about our attachment to our phones…but during the holidays,
your phone can be your best friend. It can connect you to a trusted loved one,
your friends, or anyone that makes you feel safe and welcome. When things get
tense, request some support from a friend via text, Facebook message, or email.
Maybe even throw in some Face Time!
2. Remember, you can’t choose your family…
Okay. So
there should never be ANY excuse for intolerance. But sometimes it helps me to
rationalize by thinking about my family’s (lack of) access to information and
education, or the fact that they are my family, and maybe, MAYBE, their
criticisms come from a place of love.
3. Send some Love!
Reach out
to your friends that you KNOW are feeling targeted at home—send them an
encouraging message or make plans for when they are free. Sending some love can
make you feel better yourself ;)
4. If all else fails…SPEAK!
Okay. This
one invalidates the other things on the list. But for those of us who are
ready, and willing, to confront our families—don’t stress about ruining a
holiday to do it. YOU are important. YOU are worthy. YOU deserve to let your
family know how you are feeling.
You can always look for tips here, too:
And remember, if you just need a laugh—YouTube some cute
animals, trade your best and worst holiday stories with a friend, or read a
blog written by some fat feminists. ;)
Happy Holidays!
--The
BB
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