Hello Readers! Have you ever been in that awkward situation
where you meet someone new and you wonder what they are thinking of you? We
certainly have. Most of the time we assume that they are thinking something
about our weight. Considering the fact that we both just moved and got new
jobs, there are a lot of new people in our lives that we'd like to assure,
"we're okay with being fat!"
Dear New Co-Workers, Neighbors, and Friends,
I just want you to know that I saw those meant-to-be-subtle
glances at my body, and while some were filled with pity, and some with
judgment or contempt, I'm okay with you looking because it gives me a chance to
try to express that I'm okay with how I look.
Unfortunately, I don't think some of you got that, evident in your
comments heavily laden with hints about how difficult this job might be because
of how I look, and it made me wish that there was an easier way to just come
out of the Fat Closet of Shame and say, "Don't worry about me, because I'm
fat and I love it."
So here is our coming out letter to you all. Let's start
with what's wrong with your concern.
My body should not EVER make my job as a teacher
difficult. In fact, my body and my
confidence about my body should be an EXCELLENT teaching moment for
impressionable young students. We should
hire more fat confident teachers to help young people see what true self-love
and respect look like. (Yes, we realize
this is an unrealistic and very profilingy fantasy, but go with it because it
is only to prove a point.) Your
assumption that my self-love and respect can't overcome adversity is an insult
in itself.
Now that we have that out of the way, we wanted to tell you
some things you wouldn't have known by just looking at us.
1. We actually like
our bodies, even if you don't.
2. Being fat doesn't
mean we eat constantly and don't move around, so please don't judge us during
lunch or conversations about how you went to the gym last night. We get tired of the awkward and hasty
"OMG IT WAS SO HARD TO WORK OUT" comments from the considerate people
when they suddenly realize that they've been discussing exercise in front of a
fat person.
3. Don't be awkward if some kind of fat-accident happens and
there's no way to cover it up. This sounds oddly specific, but when you're fat
and you are used to manuevering around small spaces with a big body, you know
that things can get awkward. So if my side fat bumps a desk or I knock some
markers off of the board with my backfat, please don't look at me with pity or
laugh awkwardly. I'm okay with my body, but classrooms with close together
desks just weren't made for me.
4. This is similar to number 2, but please do not talk about
your new diet at lunch!! This is a rule that should apply to all lunch
situations, not just at the work place. Hearing about a diet while you are
enjoying your precious few minutes of lunch during a busy day is just torture!
I want to enjoy my food and not feel guilty while I'm eating it. Also, if you discuss your diet, please be
fully aware that I will tell you, "I don't diet anymore. Instead I eat foods that are good for me and
make me feel good and I don't spend my eating time thinking about why I
shouldn't be eating something. Instead,
I spend my eating time eating and enjoying it." Or something like that.
Most of all, I ask that you don't judge me. Talk to me
before you assume anything about me or my body. It's difficult to ask this of
people when we are conditioned to categorize people immediately so that they
fit into our conception of the world, but it's a great self-challenge and a really
important practice.
We want to take a moment to do some shout-outs.
To the teacher who invited me to do crossfit training with
the students during my observation of their gym class WITHOUT making
assumptions about my body and how I probably didn't want to do crossfit
training, I just wanted to say that I didn't want to do any crossfit training,
but I appreciate that you asked me anyway!
Shout out to the neighborhood store owner who didn't make
any assumptions about me as I went through your crowded store. I appreciate
that you didn't nervously look at me as I navigated the close aisles. You
weren't waiting for me to knock over something so that you could make me buy
it. Instead, you welcomed me to the neighborhood and you were very kind.
To the Lane Bryant lady who talked about the way pants fit
our similar bodies, thanks for helping me find some really comfortable jeans
and making me feel welcome and in good company.
To the staff at my new job, thank you for looking me in the
eyes when you interviewed me, for making me feel very welcome in your building,
and for not making any awkward comments at all about diets, weight, exercise,
or the way that clothing fits.
Shout out to the students too, because you asked me about
myself and seem genuinely interested in me as a person, not a first assumption
about me.
We all know what it is like to be new, whether it means
living in a new place or being the new person at your new job or school. It is awkward enough without the painfully
obvious glances at our fat bodies. So
this is a letter to let you know that we are OKAY with how we look, and in fact
we LOVE IT. It is also a letter to caution you against assumptions, and to
thank those of you who have made us feel like people, not stereotypes.
 |
| This is us in our new places. |
We hope that as we stop being new, you come to know us and
our beliefs and start to reevaluate your own ideas about bodies or even pat
yourself on the back for thinking positively about bodies already.
Sincerely,
Gribbski
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