Fat Shaming
occurs when fat people are made to feel inadequate, ashamed, less than, or
othered because of their weight. The following photo is a prime example:
From the BB:
Today I would like to kick off the first ever Fat Shaming
Friday with one of my most difficult fat shaming experiences.
Now, I’m going to preface this by saying that I am not a
doctor, but that my actual doctor, who I see on a regular basis for issues
completely unrelated to my weight, annually takes my bloodwork because of
family history and pronounces me in perfect health each time. In addition,
during other visits my blood pressure is perfect, and I suffer from no
weight-related health problems. (A deeper discussion of fatness and its
correlation to health may be discussed in a later Fat Myth Monday post!)
So. You can see why I was rather perplexed when I visited my
Gynecologist, for my once a year visit, and she decided to comment on my
weight.
Now, I know that many doctors point out the fact that the
pill can cause a higher risk for stroke, especially in overweight women.
However, I have used the birth control pill for years with no side effects or
health effects, and as I said before the doctor that actually sees me
frequently for my general health has pronounced me—shocker—perfectly healthy!
My Gynecologist went way beyond the correlation between
stroke risk, fatness, and the pill. She said things to me that a doctor should
never say to a patient, and being wiser from the experience now, I know that
she was participating in fat shaming.
So, let’s set the scene. I walk into the Gynecologist’s
office and sign in. I wait to be called back. The nurse who takes my weight and
blood pressure seems surprised by the number on the scale, though I am not.
Then, she pulls out the small blood pressure cuff. (You know, they have one for
a typical arm and a fat arm…she pulls out the small one. Let’s be honest here!)
I comment on the small cuff and she tells me that it will be fine. She takes my
blood pressure and it is a little, yes, A LITTLE, high. It’s never high. She
documents it and takes me to wait for the Gyno.
As I’m uncomfortably sitting in the room waiting for her to
arrive, my nervousness grows. I had been dreading the appointment all week
because she has made other subtle, snide comments about my weight before, and
threatened to take me off of the pill—despite glowing health reviews from my
General Practitioner.
She walks in and comments on my blood pressure right away.
As she holds the chart she says, “your blood pressure was high today, any
problems with the pill?” I tell her that the nurse used the small cuff—that it
hurts my arm and cuts off the circulation before it is even tightened. I don’t
mention my anxiety and dread at awaiting this appointment. I’m sure that was a
factor, too. Instead, I tell her about my excellent blood pressure history and
assure her that this must be a fluke.
Even so, she still wants me to
come in every three months to monitor my blood pressure. Sure. Fine. That’s OK
with me. I guess you’ve got to be sure and do your job. Can I go now?
And then she takes her glasses off
of her long, skinny face, leans against the counter with one bony hip, and sighs
as she stares down at me in the chair. “Okay, level with me, do you even want
to lose weight?”
I don’t know what to say. Seven
months ago, when this happened, I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I love
my body, that my health is good and that is what I care about, or that I have a
partner and people who love me. She continues after my silence:
“You know, my mother was obese.
She died at 350 pounds. She ate to spite everyone…you can’t use food as a way
to get revenge on others. It only hurts you.”
I was astonished—she and I had not
really discussed the WHY behind my fat, like family history, genetics, slow
metabolism, etc…And now she was making assumptions about me being an emotional
eater?
“Something you can try is taking
walks—and I don’t mean around the grocery store.”
That is the statement that floored
me—and still floors me!
I wanted to shout JUST LOOK AT MY
VAGINA AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
Sadly, I did not shout this. I sat
there and took it, because on some level I felt I deserved it. On some level,
despite the fact that she was not my General Practitioner well-versed in my
bloodwork and health, I accepted that she had the credibility to say this to
me. I deserved to be chided for my weight. I was fat. I was in the wrong.
This is a perfect example of fat
shaming, not only because of how it made me feel, but because of the wording of
her statements. She made assumptions about the why behind my weight. She made
assumptions about whether or not I like to exercise. The only question she even
asked me was did I want to lose weight, and she asked it so condescendingly
that I knew that she thought she knew the answer without my saying anything.
This is why this is wrong: As a
doctor, in a position of power and confidentiality over the patient, she made
unfair and frankly rude assumptions about me and communicated them in a rude
way. She did not communicate the correlations between weight and the pill in a
professional manner. She didn’t fax my GP for my blood pressure and bloodwork
history.
Seven months later, I can tell you
that I go to the same office but I don’t see the same Gynecologist. I stood up
for myself and called the office, telling them that if I was going to remain
their patient, I would need to see a different Gyno. I wish I could tell you
that I told her off, that I let her know how hurtful her fat shaming is…but I
haven’t.
But I have come to appreciate
myself more, and I have come to know that in NO WAY do I deserve what she said
to me. AT ALL.
If I could do it over again? I
would stand up for myself right then and there—and that is the advice I would
give to anyone dealing with fat shaming. Confront the issue head on, and assert
the fact that you deserve more.
-The
BB
From the WW:
I had a lot of trouble choosing my topic for today because
sadly, there are so many choices. We see
fat shaming everywhere, including advertisements like the one shared above (for
further discussion on that advertisement, please like us on facebook and
participate in the conversation; also, check back on Monday for a related
post). Fortunately, I’ve never had an
experience similar to the BB where a doctor was rude to me about my weight, but
I know it happens. Instead, I’ve
experienced the type of pity-shaming that happens when a nurse doesn’t want to
make you feel bad about yourself by using the big cuff instead of the small
one. I’m with the BB here. Just use the correct one! By trying to spare me, you’re sending me the
message that there’s something wrong with me.
Here’s another one that recently happened to me:
When I went in to get my cast on, they had to weigh me. I told her what my normal weight is so she
didn’t have to do the whole “I’m going to guess really low and then act surprised
when you’re actually like 100 pounds over that and then compliment you on how
you carry your weight like you had some choice in the matter” thing. She still set it to fifty pounds less, and
when she realized that I was right, she patted me on the shoulder and said
she’d take five pounds off for my shoes.
Walmart moccasins do not weigh anywhere close to five pounds. When I tried explaining that I’m not
sensitive about what the scale says, she patted me on the shoulder again and
said, “I understand, honey.” At that
point, I gave up. Sadly, beauty and
confidence at any size is generally a foreign concept for a lot of people.
This type of pity-shaming brings me to my main focus. I took this example from an excellent piece
in Cosmopolitan by Laura Beck
entitled, “11 Things You Should Never Say to a Fat Girl.” For the full piece, either click here: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/fat-girl
or scroll to the bottom of our page and check it out in our More Body
Empowerment links section. Here’s number
six from Beck’s list:
6. Ugh, I'm so fat.
Don't talk about being fat around a fat person
when you are not fat. It's obvious you're using the term to address your body
negatively and that sucks for two reasons: a. Don't talk shit about your own
body, the outside world does that enough; and b. If you think you're fat and
you're roughly half my size, what do you think about me? That I'm Obesetron
McFattenstein? Don't answer that.
Besides being funny, Beck hits
this problem almost head-on. I used to
HATE this about being around other girls in high school, especially girls who
had “nice” bodies. When I’d see someone
grab their excess belly skin and berate themselves for being able to make it
look like a mouth talking, it made me feel really disgusting because mine was
real fat and therefore not pliable enough to impersonate Angelina Jolie.
It seems that this kind of
self-hate is often projected by non-fatties when in the company of a fatty as a
sort of olive-branch. Here’s the logic I
am imagining:
Jolie Belly: You’re fat, so you
must feel bad about yourself. Let me
also show you that I hate myself too so you don’t feel bad.
That, or:
Jolie Belly: You’re fat, so you’ll understand my obsession
with minor flaws on my own body. Surely
you pick yourself apart, too.
Either way, Jolie Belly is assuming that Fat Girl hates her
body, and is showing pity by doing the same.
Now, this isn’t always true.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where a lot of people of different
sizes hate their bodies. I could be
completely off-base. But the fact that I
(and I’m not alone in feeling this way) think this is even a possibility shows
that we live in a fat-shaming society. I’m
working on it, but sometimes I still look at other people and immediately
assume they’re passing judgment on me because of my body size. This makes “coming out” as a member of the
Fat and Proud club especially difficult, but we’ll talk more about that process in another post.
Check back tomorrow for the BB’s solo Student Saturday
post!
